So, I'm walking down the road to the co-op, when two guys cycle by, carrying pints of lager. Actual pint glasses. Well, that's illegal and stupid , think I. One catches my eye-

"WOT ? WOT ? WOT YOU FACKIN STARIN AT YOU CAHNT ??!"

I'm tempted to give him the finger, but that reaction in a similar encounter nearly led to me getting my face stoved in.

My other recent brushes with the nicer side of the English populace include- some charmer knocking my bike down from the lamp-post it was chained to and crushing the front wheel; another bozo suddenly running out of nowhere across the exit I was pulling out of, and screaming at me to watch myself. When I dare to respond-

"WOT'S YOR BEEF, EH ? WOT'S YOUR BEEF ? ISSA PAAF, INNIT ? ISSA BLOODY PAFF AN I CAN CROSS IT !" (No, actually, it's a path which is bissected by a road, meaning you have to stop and do your Green Cross Code, you southern ingrate).

I don't know if it's just a sign of the times, or just that I haven't been near a Scottish housing estate in a while, but it had me googling the words "Edinburgh Language School vacancy". Behold, there are a few more schools in Edinburgh now, a couple with vacancies, but I'm unlikely to do anything about it. The grief of buying this place is still too recent to move so soon. In the meantime, might I just say fuck Wayne Rooney, I love Ronaldhino and if you're some moron who's born into the comfort of England in the early 21st century, but still think you're living in an Ice Cube video, then you're a sad piece of pathetic scum and I look forward to the day your diet of burgers and Bensons ends your comtemptible life.