Long break since my last scribble- been busy recording, drawing,attempting to get a life. Been wondering recently if I'm not getting a bit too cynical for my own good. I recently borrowed the DVD of "Before Sunset", which I did actually see at the cinema but didn't remember too much of as I was more preoccupied by the woman I was with. I didn't expect to have much sympathy for the characters, even though they're about the same age/mentality as me. I was expecting a load of "boo hoo, I'm in my thirties and life isn't working out quite the way I'd hoped". But they were drawn sympathetically enough for me to go and buy "Before Sunrise", which I only saw scraps of on a plane when it came out. Again, I expected them to be cliches- "ooh, I'm in my twenties and isn't life a big adventure !". But there was a lot more to them than that.
The bit that hit me most in the older incarnations was Ethan Hawke's character talking about aspiring to his "better self"- the one that cares for his son and endures the alienation he feels towards his wife. But the loneliness and the recurring dreams about Julie Delpy's character he describes are really moving. It contrasts quite sadly with his younger self saying that he knows he would be a good husband and father, but doesn't know if he could face dying without excelling at something. The fact is that he succeeds in all those things, but at the cost of his own happiness. Who knows, maybe he's a lousy husband ? We only get his version, and perhaps he then proves it by going off and shagging La Delpy again- we don't know of course, as the second film leaves that particular one unresolved.
I often feel that my own concerns are crawlingly trivial by comparison with those who have kids and marriages to maintain. But what can I do about it in the meantime ? I don't know if my present way of life and mentality makes those things impossible. Who has that degree of perspective on themselves ? If you sit down and try to deconstruct it you end up just depressing yourself. So you may as well crack on.
